Understanding Grief and How a Wellness Coach Can Help Others Manage Its Impact

The Traditional Grief Cycle

Grief is the human response to a loss, ranging from job loss and the end of a romantic relationship to the loss of a loved one.

Everyone reacts differently, depending on a multitude of factors such as the extent of the loss, their support system, and resilience. Most experts agree, however, that people go through a similar cycle of grief.

According to the Cleveland Clinic (The 5 Stages of Grief After a Loss – clevelandclinic.org), citing Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the cycle of grief has the following phases:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

I propose, however, that grief is not linear, and that it never truly goes away. Rather, if managed properly and with the right supports, there is a way to live with the loss, preventing complicated grief, which occurs when “profound, intense grief extends for a prolonged period of time and can be debilitating.” In essence, complicated grief is prolonged, intense and makes it almost impossible to move on to a productive, more normal routine (The 5 Stages of Grief After a Loss – clevelandclinic.org).

Adaptation Model

Grieving is not linear, and I would argue that many people grieve over the rest of their lives, and it is not necessarily complicated grief. My Adaptation Grief Model (Epstein 2023) suggests that the grief cycle is more likely to be:

• Denial: Being in a state of not accepting the loss.
• Anger: a range of emotions that includes being angry at your loved one for dying, or at the hospital, doctor, etc.
• Guilt: Guilt is powerful and can make you feel bad, for example, about not visiting your loved one in the hospital.
• Anxiety & Depression: Feeling depressed and anxious is common during the grieving process.
• Internal Debate: examining if you could have done something differently.
• Adaptation: Engaging grief in some manner or living a life of value while managing grief’s lifetime impact.

Please note that the focus on grief in my example is regarding the loss of a loved one. However, there are many types of grief resulting from losing a job, a divorce, a beloved family pet, or the loss of a friendship.

Wellness Coach’s Role

Coaches need to coordinate with others in their client’s support team such as doctors and therapists. Knowing when to refer out a client who needs medications to manage anxiety and depression is critically important. While a coach can help a client with managing grief and setting goals, they should be careful to ensure clients get the clinical support they need to get better. This may oftentimes include talk therapy with a licensed therapist.

Listening is vital to the grief coach. Some clients may feel lost and unable to manage their schedule or work and family. Coaches can play a critical role in helping them talk through their challenges, thus enabling the coach to make forward thinking suggestions and setting goals.

Working with clients to list our available resources can be very helpful. Resources may include an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through work, therapy through health plans, grief support groups, etc.

Concluding Thoughts

A coach can have an impactful, important role in the client’s grieving process, and it is especially important that they understand their role and coordinate resources such as mental health therapy and refer out when needed.

• 

  David G. Epstein, SHRM-SCP, CWP, CDP

  Director of Human Resources & Talent Strategy

  Mobilization for Justice, Inc.

  David G. Epstein, SHRM-SCP, CWP, CDP, is the Director of Human Resources & Talent Strategy for Mobilization for Justice, Inc., in New York City. He is a Certified Wellness Practitioner, a Certified Diversity Professional, and a Senior Certified HR Professional. He is a Life and Career Coach and professional member of the American Counseling Association.